Saturday, April 27, 2013

Councilllor Ford to Take on the Globe and Mail

TRAWNA -- (GOSH News Services) -- The Foxy News North Network, enjoyed nightly by just 4,000 viewers, has now learned that Toronto Councillor Douglas Ford is about to take on the Globe and Mail.
Quoted in the Globe (Sept. 13, 2012):  "He [Councillor Ford] vowed to take a tougher stance with the media, particularly The Globe and Mail. 'I'm changing my rules', he said. 'Every time you guys go after Rob [his brother, Mayor Schadenford], I'm going after you.'
Our top investigative reporter, Brett Grimsby, has been following this story and sends us this update --
"Foxy, I've found out that Councillor Ford has taken out several student subscriptions to the Globe and Mail, in the names of his staff. Such paid subscriptions will save the City of Toronto money. What he intends to do is to read the paper with his staff, looking for ways to get back at the paper. I understand that he intends to proofread for errors of spelling and grammar and to check every single fact. He's doing this with the aid of his current staff, who, it turns out, all have degrees in English Literature, Language and Linguistics. The fact checking will be turned over to those with graduate degrees, including his one professional librarian-researcher on staff. He alone will do the copy editing part of the procedure, to introduce clarity into each and every article in the Globe. Of course, this work is all to be voluntary; staff will do the reading during their lunch hours, breaks, tea time, subway riding, and while eating dinner at home with their families.
"Mayor Schadenford has said that he will read the Sports section line by line, with an eye to football coverage, while he is driving to work each day.
"If Councillor Ford succeeds in finding errors, he will immediately write letters on official City letterhead to the Globe's editorial staff, insisting on corrections, clarifications, and/or retractions for every single item. He will insist that all errors be listed and corrected on page two."
More on this story as it unfolds...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Some more weasel words....

--- "the omission was an adminstrative oversight" (Toronto Mayor's Office, Globe, April 12/13)
--- "I didn't read the contents [before signing] because my glasses weren't handy in the dark restaurant" (McCallion, Globe, April 12/13)
-- "it would obviously have an implication" McCallion, Star, April 13/13 trying to explain why she voted for a motion to delay a hike in developer fees. [there was no way of knowing how much it would cost taxpayers]

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Mayor Schadenford's 2014 Campaign almost derailed

TORONTO -- (GOSH News Services) -- The Foxy News North Network, always enjoyed by just under 4,000 weekday viewers, has just learned that Mayor Schadenford's 2014 campaign for re-election almost went off the rails last week.
Here's Brett Grimsby, our local investigative reporter, with the story:
"Foxy, I'd like to say that Mayor Schadenford is no pussy cat when it comes to campaigning, but something obviously went wrong last week. When he announced his campaign for re-election in 2014, he had Media Kits for distribution to most of the 4,000 citizens who turned up at his Ford Fest BBQ where he made the announcement that he was running again for Mayor.
"Unfortunately, all of the Media Kits bore the campaign date of 2013. When this was pointed out to Mayor Schadenford, he said: 'Well, that's when I'm running again. Every three years there's an election for Mayor and Council in Toronto. Even if you're a ninny, you know that.'
"When it was pointed out that the election actually comes every four years, he said: 'You're kidding me. I just KNOW it's every three years -- I can count. The 2010 election, 2011, 2012, and then 2013. What's the problem? I know the rules.'
"Libby, our intrepid librarian-researcher who had accompanied me to the BBQ, pointed out that Mayor Schadenford, when he was Councillor, had missed the vote that changed the time span between elections. Schadenford said, 'So what? I play by my own rules. There WILL be an election in 2013 because I am running in it!!!'
"Councillor Bro Doug took Mayor Schadenford aside at that point, and they had a hurried conversation. The Mayor then carefully departed.
"Later, Councillor Bro Doug said: 'The Campaign is, of course, for 2014. The Mayor regrets the error. We have some $100,000 in campaign flyers, posters, and signs, and we will be changing the date from 2013 to 2014 manually by using staff volunteers working every weekday morning until the job is done. Deco Labels & Tags will be creating some half-million labels with the year "2014" printed on them, and we'll be able to bill the City for this at wholesale, saving money over the difference in price. We are always aware of gravy, and try to defuse that issue.'
More on this breaking story as it unfolds...

Monday, April 1, 2013

Mayor Schadenford to announce new job in government.

TRAWNA – (GOSH News Services) – The Canadian Foxy Wine News Network North has just learned that Mayor Rob Ford (also known as Schadenford) is poised to make a dramatic announcement by noon today. Taking advantage of the sleepy Easter Monday non-commute, Mayor Ford had hoped that this one would slip by the media. Indeed, according to our best sources, it appears as if Mayor Ford's announcement will only be made by his brother, Councillor Doug Ford, acting in his place, and thus Schadenford will not be available for comments.


Top investigative wine reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for some time now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized nor announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next week or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.


Apparently, Mayor Schadenford has been ousted from office. He had been told to resign by an unnamed team of several thousand well-placed Torontonians. He agreed – so long as he could become the new CEO of the

Liberal Control of Beverages in Ontario, A Clown, er, Clone, er, Crown Corporation of A Have-Not Province Controlled by Win-Win Wynne. That was the price of his removal. Indeed, according to our well-known "anonymous sources", he has already left the building, that is, City Hall.


Ford's immediate plans certainly involve creating new wines, beers and spirits featuring the well-known "Gravy Train" © TM label. These will roll out over the next few months, heavily pushed by a bevy of former gravy train recipients. Word has also come down, from our more reliable "confidential sources" that he is about to crack open the Oooopsie union. Work will be further contracted out even more than now, but at first only in Western Ontario – west of Yonge Street.


The LCBO buildings at Queens' Quay will be sold for subway barns and parking lots. The Liquor Transfer Tax will be dropped, allowing for a savings to the taxpayer of eight cents on every bottle of alcohol sold in Ontario. According to our confidential sources, Schadenford is also looking forward to his own, private rehab room just off from his new offices.


Stay tuned for our special "What the LCBO will be like under Rob Ford" premiering later tonight on this station…