Top investigative reporter Brett Grimsby has been following this story for days now, and he files his report based on several interviews with Miffed Mole, the collective name for our sources who are familiar with the situation, and who spoke to him on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to divulge details while they were very close to the centre of discussions and while the matter under consideration had not yet been finalized or announced to the public. While the decisions may or may not have been finalized internally, and while an announcement on the matter may or may not be imminent, possibly within the next day or two, that specific timeline is not really known. Sources should not be held responsible for the speculative and/or playful treatment of their research and/or disclosures.
Certain protocols would be laid down:
-there must be no talking to the Mayor unless he talks first (his responses to the
-the only topics for discussion are football and garbage collecting (mention of public transit will be grounds for instant dismissal);
-all the rules of the road must be observed (but drivers may turn over the pages of the Mayor's reports while idling at intersections).
For his part, the Mayor will donate his SUV to a school football charity.
A special vetting team has been assembled to check out the volunteer drivers. Perks for volunteer drivers will include a free tour of City Hall, a special seat at Council meetings, and a mask to use while driving.